september 2019

                                   (i)

...these bare hills break the winds with such ease

and ’though the solitude is vast and breathless

and these rains and crows

constantly argue with the sun

yet I will walk, walk and walk

until the ground reclaims my mind

for the earth eats memories with such ease

the hills swell, the rains rise

and with every step I take

the air gasps for breath

the rivers hide their secrets

and the land will, as ever, wait

but surely there is a way to renounce

this narrative that mocks my body

that sweeps into my throat

every wayward conceit of mankind

no wonder I begin peeling the bark from trees

and looking under the rocks in the river

searching for myself

but there is nothing, nothing to find

my mind has disappeared...

                          (ii)

...again today the seen-unseen hand reappeared

a glinting, steel illusion

a scalpel dressed in magic

and slowly it began to open and pull from my navel

these long strands of beaded words

endless rosaries of syllables and fat

each bonded to its neighbour

with the darkest of blood

language was leaving me

my humanity was bleeding

from a wound I did not recognise

and yet as the hand coiled

more and more of my soul to itself

so the harsh supremacy of the universe was clear

there is no assertive magic

no meaning to the darkest of all dark blood

just words that disappear the moment they live

and live the moment they disappear

they are strands of hair, beads of fat

pretty sounds that use breath

to describe something called the truth...

                             (iii)

...a cold, unerring ocean washes through my mouth

a femur slips from reach

several fingers detach

and my loose bones and teeth roll in the surf

my perpetual birth has begun

and all those burnt yesterdays

now rise conspicuously to become a conscience

a shoreline littered with insights

with waters permanently breaking

and running down my thighs

as though I am forever

giving birth to myself

this urge of the sea-bed

to ooze from my vulva

the unspeakable, red silt

that buries every line of verse

and so my perpetual death begins

and all the plus-or-minus intuitions in the world

will have absolutely no effect

when the oceans unerringly make landfall...